In our Mommy Group last week a question arose: “What decision have you made as a mother that you later realized was the wrong decision and then regretted.”
Every single woman in the room had an answer. And guilt. Except me.
Does that make me special? No. But it does mean that my approach to how I make mothering decisions, and how I relate to mistakes, is different than most women.
Does that make me a better mom than those women. No. Absolutely not.
I do believe that I am the perfect mom for my baby and I believe that you are the perfect mom for your baby.
I believe that the spirits of our babies chose us because they knew us. They knew that our gifts, talents, and shortcomings would provide them the environment to experience the lessons, pain, love, and support that they need for their mission in this life. Therefore, I don’t believe we can compare “better” or “worse”. We are each perfect for the baby that chose us.
It seems like “mommy guilt” is such a big thing in our culture and women who don’t experience “mommy guilt” are made to feel guilty because they make other women feel bad. Humans are odd creatures!
Rather than focusing out on what other women are doing and then feeling bad because we’re not “as good”, I think the best thing for us to do is to focus inward and figure out what we really want and what is true for us.
That’s what makes my brand of mothering different from the “mommy-guilt” style. I make conscious choices that feel right in my heart. If I make a mistake, I own it, learn from it, and do better next time.
The biggest guilt-causing factor I’ve heard from other moms is that they didn’t know what they didn’t know and let other people influence their pregnancy, birth, and/or mothering decisions rather than making choices based on their own inner voice.
That is why I do what I do. I have been blessed to have a lot of information and experiences.
The choices I’ve made based on that information and experience may be different than the choices you would make and that’s ok. (Remember above where I said your baby’s spirit chose you? It chose you because it knew the kinds of choices you would make and how you would likely grow and change as a result of being it’s mommy.) If your baby’s spirit wanted you to make the choices I would make - it would have just come to be my baby!
But because of my knowledge and experience, I can help you figure out what you don’t know and make conscious choices from there.
Are you interested in getting support to help you make choices that you can feel good about (whether you have the desired outcome or not) in your fertility, pregnancy, birth, or as a mother? Get mentoring with me and let go of that “mommy-guilt” today! Could you do it on your own? Absolutely! But having help always gets things done faster and more easily. Unless your helper is a toddler, of course!
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