A woman, let’s call her Sandy, is pregnant. She has her labor planned down to the labor socks. She is a self-described Type A personality who wants Mozart playing during labor and Beethoven playing while she’s pushing. She’s chosen a hospital that will allow her to drink juice and eat lollipops during labor, so she can keep her energy up. She knows that ice chips just won’t do during her labor. She plans to give birth while in the birth tub in the hospital’s new state of the art birthing center.
Another woman, Ashley, is also pregnant. She wants a home birth. She is terrified of hospitals and thinks they are dirty. She plans to make a cake and walk in her backyard during early labor, then labor in her bath tub, and finally have the baby on her bed. Then, after the baby is born, they will all share her freshly-made cake.
A third woman, Lauren, is also expecting. She trusts her body and her baby. She’s done some hypnosis and talks to, and attempts to listen to, her baby often. She was planning a homebirth but developed a medical condition that made birthing at the hospital necessary. She was a little disappointed when she found out, but now she’s focused on creating the best experience possible. She’s found an OB that makes her feel respected.
Which birthing will go the best?
The truth is, you never know. You can plan things exactly how you want them, but you have to remember, you are just one part of the equation. The perfect births are the ones that are thoughtful, intentional, and flexible.
Babies express their personality and preferences long before they are born - if you take the time to listen. The way a baby is born both shows the baby’s personality and sets the baby up for the lessons he came here to learn.
A baby who is slow and careful may wait to be born until well after his “due-date” and a c-section for that baby may result in learning that not taking action may result in a lack of control. Perhaps that baby came to learn to take control and take action. Experiencing this lesson at the beginning of his life is very powerful and will impact him from then on.
Perhaps a baby wants to learn cooperation and has a go-with-the-flow kind of attitude. As long as his mom remembers to work with him during labor and get in the positions his body, and hers, are requesting, this birthing might just flow.
If you ask me to guess which birth would go best, I’d say Lauren’s. Even though all her birthing plans were altered, she trusts her body and her baby and she has put herself in a position to be respected.
But when a mom is rigid with her expectations and desires, she leaves no room for the baby to ask for what he needs. No matter what a mom insists upon, the baby will come into this world the way he needs to. When a mom is resisting or fearing that thing a baby needs, emotional trauma can result. So please, make your plans. Figure out what you want and pursue that. Chances are, that’s also going to be what your baby wants. But realize that your baby may have his own ideas about what a perfect birth looks like so be ready to give him that type of birth. To do that, figure out what you’re resisting and fearing and heal it before your baby is born so you both can have your perfect birth, even if it doesn’t look like you thought it would.
Best wishes to you on your journey.
What does your perfect birth look like? Do you have anything you'd like to heal before your birth? Share in the comments below!
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