I love my baby. I love my baby so much. I never knew anything could feel like this. I love my husband a lot, but this is totally different.
Why then, have I been disconnected, irritable, and bored-feeling while I’ve been hanging out with my little one this week? Don’t get me wrong - I didn’t start yelling at, or ignoring, my kid all of the sudden. I just didn’t enjoy myself and I’ve been making stupid mistakes. (What? That thing can be ripped into bite-sized pieces? Who knew!) Along with all that, I’ve been ignoring this incredible urge to be creative while also not having the motivation to do anything about it. It’s also possible that I’ve been self-medicating with food. Pancakes twice in a day? Yes. That day was yesterday.
I write about some pretty heavy stuff sometimes. But, I write about my life and some of the life I’ve lived is heavy. But one Sunday morning was not heavy! There are some moment in life that are so sweet and easy. This was one of them.
The family woke up on Super Bowl Sunday feeling great! I’d been looking at some recipes before the others woke up and found this amazing looking recipe for pancakes. The pictures were craving-inspiring.
I can’t remember the last time I had pancakes. Some of us are currently dairy-free, gluten-free, egg-free, and we avoid white sugar. Isn’t that what makes up a pancake? But by the time my husband woke up my normal breakfast of steel-cut oats, congee, or dinner leftovers wouldn’t do it. I NEEDED pancakes.
I spent about three minutes looking for a restaurant that would address this need but realized quickly that I could get gluten-free OR vegan but not both and certainly not without any sugar. And what would we have with it? Eggs? No.
I found an amazing recipe (not the one with the great pictures, but at least it was eatable), altered it based on what I had in the kitchen, and my family had pancakes with a side of bacon or steak (depending on the family member) and some fruit. My baby got to eat pancakes for the first time and we had a wonderful morning enjoying each other and our special breakfast.
Since then, my mom group has been asking for the recipe so I wanted to perfect it. But I’ve make them differently each time since that first Sunday and each time they’ve been at least good, and if not good, they’ve been really delightful! Also, my little one loves to help me in the kitchen, so the measurements are never quite perfect (which makes it hard to perfect a recipe). But this recipe is really forgiving, and it’s also ok to eat straight from the bowl, so I allow exploration and experimentation (as long as it doesn’t get too exciting)!
This recipe is based on the Allergy-Friendly Pancakes at www.momables.com.
Don’t eat baking powder? Replace each teaspoon with one of the following:
Notes on baking powder substitutes:
Enjoy! I’d love to hear what variations you’ve come up with!
I’ve got to admit that I’m scared. I know in my head that I’m capable, but I’m scared of messing “it” up. Whatever “it” is in my life at the moment. I doubt myself in my heart.
After each miscarriage I experienced serious self-doubt. My body was broken. I was broken. Obviously there must be something wrong with me or I wouldn’t have lost my babies. Right? But, that was all in my head. I knew in my heart that wasn’t true.
Then I lost Kalis.